Elevate Your Daydreaming Routine

Say “no” to shameful snacks. You know the ones I’m talking about – microwaveable burritos, potato chips, Ranch flavored chex-mix and quite frankly, cheese in general. Nothing brings more guilt and anxiety than sitting alone in a dark room and surfing Pinterest boards for “Bathroom Remodel”, while choking down a sleeve of Oreos. The only thing that will make your feel better about yourself while shame-snacking is watching a marathon of “My 600-lb Life” on TLC. Allow yourself an opportunity to feel fancy as f**k, instead of s***ty as sin, and fix these snacks before checking Ikea inventory on all the saved items for your imaginary guest room. You will instantly feel like you deserve all the nice things, and that you can magically afford them.

“The Fountain of Youth Can Kiss My Sweet A**” Salad – pair with $4.99/bottle BRUT CHAMPAGNE from gas station

Ingredients
  • 1 shell (~16 oz) mixed greens (I also like to mix 50/50 arugula & spinach, or whatever)
  • 2 sm (or 1 big) granny smith apple, cored & thinly sliced (or cubed) *leave the skin on
  • 1 cup dried, sweetened cranberries
  • 1/2 cup walnut pieces
  • 1 cup crumbled goat cheese (or feta crumbles)
  • Balsamic vinaigrette dressing (from scratch or bottle NOBODY CARES)
Directions
  • Wash and dry green stuff
  • Core and cut apple
  • Put green stuff in bowl
  • Toss in cranberries
  • Toss in walnuts
  • Toss in apples
  • Toss in cheese
  • Drizzle with dressing.
  • DONE

“I Don’t Think Twice About Spending $80 on Shoes” Water

Ingredients
Directions
  • Fill GLASS cup with ice
  • Pour water in it
  • Add two fat juicy slices of lemon
  • DRINK IT
  • OR you can pour lemon juice concentrate in tiny tray, freeze overnight, and pop one into your cup and let it dilute slowly

“I Am Proud of Myself That I Did Not Impulse Buy That When I First Saw It, so I Deserve It Now” Dessert

  • Any pint of frozen ice cream brand that costs more than $6
  • Top with sliced fresh strawberries, or fresh cherries, or cut up mango
  • JUST PUT SOME FRUIT ON IT
  • Eat it with a tiny, little, baby spoon

Now get shopping.

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