2006

So,

as they say,

“When in Rome,

do as the Romans do.”

So I didn’t shave my legs,

and I made no effort to speak English,

and I never (God forbid) formed a queue

and I let my dog crap everywhere,

and the homeless, everywhere else,

and I smoked four packs a day,

even in a non-smoking section,

and I made sure to never brush my teeth,

but spend at least an hour on my hair,

and I’m took drunk to notice if the glass is half-empty or half-full,

and I put mayonnaise on my fries,

and I don’t even notice the pigeons anymore,

(but I can hear you can make money off of them)

and I give pretty blue-eyed girls 3 Euro off her wallet

and insist that she needs a belt, 75% off,

and every blonde in flip-flops is a movie star,

and I can identify an American 2 miles away by absence of cigarette smoke and North Face jackets,

and I can speak seven different languages at the drop of a hat,

(but don’t forget – I don’t speak English)

and I attract Americans into my poorly assembled tent by screaming Green Day

and that odor you smell?

Why, yes –

we call that fresh air.